Wednesday, January 9, 2013

How to get over a break up

He told me there was some one better that had captured his heart, and asked me to give him back the love letter he had given me the week before. The jerk wanted to sign it to a different girl. I guess he didn't want to go through the trouble of thinking up new lies for the new girl  I threw at his face and told him to stick it where the sun don't shine. I was only 7 and he was 8.
I was only 7 when I experienced my first break up.
It was a harsh one!

I was young, but this incident left me scarred for life. In a good way, though. It is one of those scars that you show to everyone because you think it looks cool. It is one of those scars that show you to toughen up and to keep your head up high even when things don't go so well. It was a scar that prepared me for future, harsher break ups.

And now you are in that dreaded break up place...

So he left. Now you find yourself curled in your sofa, crying your eyes out, seeing your future turn bleak and swearing that you will never love again. Also, you haven't changed your sweatpants or washed your hair in three days.

Once you've gone through what seems to be this necessary stage of grief, you're ready to move on. Let me remind you that this stage should last anywhere from 0 days to 1 week, but, for your own good, don't let it extend more than than.
Stop rocking back and forth. It only makes you look crazy. 

Once your grieving period is over, forget about the guy! Every time a thought of his cute face, wonderful smile or anything that remotely reminds you of him comes to mind, just shun that thought from your head. Get busy doing anything else. Enroll in a class in your local adult school. Learn a new language. Plan a trip or simply go out anywhere. The point here is to do anything that will keep your brain busy and away from sad thoughts.

If he broke up with you, don't call. You'll sound desperate and pathetic if you do. If he broke up with you because you messed up, and during the break up things didn't end up in good terms, you may call to apologize if you feel the need to do so. But the call should be just to apologize, not to beg him to come back. Other than that, don't call, don't text, don't leave voice mails, don't send letters, don't tweet angry tweets or post angry statuses. Move on with you life and let him move on with his.

If the time should come when he realizes he made a mistake by breaking up with you, let him make the call. You will then decide whether you want to answer or not.

If you decide to keep souvenirs from your recently lost relationship, store them away. Not under your bed, not in your closet, not in your bedroom. Place these souvenirs in your garage, or in a storage unit. You get the point: KEEP THEM AWAY FROM YOU, in a hard to access place!  The harder they are to access, the easier it will be for you to resist the impulse to look at these memories.

You don't have to throw these mementos away. After all, this guy was a chapter of your life, and whether good or bad, you learned something that made you who you are today. However, you don't have to keep them either. In some cases the guy behaved like a real jerk, and if he's a chapter you want to completely erase, throw everything away.

There really isn't a rule that dictates whether you should keep mementos or not. The only rule is STAY AWAY from them until you are completely over the guy who broke your heart.

Other things that you should keep a distance from are romantic movies, songs, books...Pretty much, keep away from anything that has the slightest hint of romance. If you must watch a movie, try some sci-fi, action or psychological thrillers. Explore new things.

There's nothing wrong with being single. Use this time to get to know yourself better. You will learn new things about your personality that will better prepare you for an improved and better relationship in the future.

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